How to dial out……………?

Pastor Todd Coconato of Leaves of Healing Tabernacle Church answers some tough questions on Christian Dating. Rowena Rodriguez, of Plain Jane Project asks Pastor Todd, HOW FAR IS OK? Pastor Todd will be speaking at the Plain Jane & JOE Project event- SAVE “The Date” | The Courtship vs. Dating Summit, April 9th, 2011 in Studio City, California. Online registration is now open at: www.plainjaneproject.com

1) Dial 9

2) Wait for a beeping sound. Hang up again.

3) When phone rings, pick up receiver.

4) Dial 1-800-555-1982. Listen to the sound of the phone company solenoids switching. Relaxing, isn’t it?

5) When Shanghai operator answers, press phone cradle buttons.

6) Nothing will happen.

7) Face east, cross yourself thrice while muttering “jadoo, jadoo, jadoo” Then press them again, this time with ‘feeling’.
Dial 22-digit Satellite Code Number.

9) Dial your Social Security number.

10) Multiply by your age and divide by 5. Dial resulting number.

11) Pray fervently to whatever Gods there be.

12) If a man answers, hang up and repeat steps 1-12.

13) A female voice will ask “Is this the party to whom I am speaking” Your reply should be “Do you have Sir Walter Raleigh in a Can?”

14) You will be transferred to ‘Gustave’. Ask no questions, but tell him anything he wants to know. (Do not let him know you are shocked.). Dial the number he gives you and hang up.

15) Your phone will ring. Ask for John Lennon. A voice will reply “The Walrus was Paul”. You reply, “Paul is dead”. You will then be put on hold. Whatever you do, for God’s sake don’t hang up! It could be extremely dangerous.

16) A Hollow, inflectionless, rather mechanical voice will come on the line and ask for your date of birth and favourite colour. DO NOT ANSWER TRUTHFULLY. (Ignore the odd clicks and static while this information is being processed.)

17) You will be issued with a 10-digit ‘Universal Access Code’. Write it down quickly, it will not be repeated.

18) Using your ‘Universal Access Code’, dial your own number. A voice will answer and ask for John Lennon. You say “The Walrus was Paul”. The voice will reply, “Paul is dead”. Put the line on hold.

19) After a few minutes, imitate a hollow, inflectionless, rather mechanical sounding voice and ask for date of birth and favourite colour. Tap the receiver and crinkle cellophane paper nearby to imitate the sound of static. Then rattle off a 10-digit number and hang up.

20) Dial 9.
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I hope that clears up any confusion on the issue

(Honestly stolen from the hallowed pages of the Principia Discordia;)

I have to ask a question other wise it’s just a rant……

Ok, can anyone see how this joke relates to the way some Christians use their bibles? ;D
Mike – Free points you reckon?
Ha! Your bill is in the mail

♥♠ Ace ♠♥ says:

November 30, 2011 at 6:05 am

LOL, in all honesty I kind of want to try this out now. Just to see how far down the list you’ll get before nothing happens.

It seems a lot easier, less complicated, less demanding and takes a lot less time to “dial out” than the Christians and their Bibles’ way .

http://paperstreetsupplies.com/images/dial9.jpg

Nixie says:

November 30, 2011 at 5:37 am

they follow it without any idea of what theyre doing

Bobby The Wolf says:

November 30, 2011 at 5:20 am

Or you could just call me directly at 867-5309

Ask for Jenny

♡ נєѕѕу !™ says:

November 30, 2011 at 5:08 am

I don’t………..don’t get it?
o.o

mortoo revisited says:

November 30, 2011 at 4:54 am

damn I forgot to write the ten digit number down

Fed up with the crap here says:

November 30, 2011 at 4:32 am

Drat.

The number is not in service.

Hmmm…just like religion.

[Insert Name Here] says:

November 30, 2011 at 3:59 am

bLeep bLoop

Anonomys man 22 says:

November 30, 2011 at 3:19 am

I am trying it.

God bless.

Shapeshifter309 says:

November 30, 2011 at 2:29 am

To answer your question, yes.

Now, reading this was…. an adventure at the least. At about 11, I didn’t have enough breadcrumbs to get home. It was like listening to John Kerry speak.